This chaotic game was written by six authors sequentially, each author only adding to the game as written so far. It all begins with you as a kindergarten teacher in your classroom after all the kids have gone home. You're about to clean up their horrific mess when a gaudy balloon floats in through the window and stops to hover right in front of your face.
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Release 1 of the game.
SPOILERS AHEAD. Reading a walkthrough prematurely can sometimes diminish one's enjoyment of an interactive fiction game. Please make an honest effort to play the game before reading this walkthrough.
> x balloon. take balloon. again.(It tells you to go south.)
> x confetti. e.
You're no longer carrying the balloon and the scene has changed.
CAUTION: Do not return to the Hallway and Classroom. I think this restarts timers that the game thought it was already done with and it will start complaining about too many processes and you probably want to avoid such errors.
> author. e.
> x pink balloon.(if it's here.)
> x hole.(You take two marbles.)
> w. s. u.
> x leaves.(You take a paper page.)
> x page.
> x machine. x book. put page in book.(Something falls.)
> look. x slingshot. take it.
> e. d. n.
> z.(repeat waiting until the balloon floats in.)
> shoot balloon with slingshot. look. take roll. x it.
> x crow. shoot crow with slingshot.
After shooting the crow, wait here for three turns for the crow to, uh, retaliate.
> z. z. z.
> i. x mess. drop mess.(using the roll.)
> i. x key.
> unlock door with key. e.
> author. e.(You fall to...)
Somewhere Rustly / Shredding Room
> x pile. n.(You turn on a light.)
> x paper.(Some metal thing falls into it.)
> search paper.(You find and take Roz.)
> x Roz. ask Roz about Roz.(mentions Sally and Leon)
> ask Roz about Sally. ask Roz about Leon.
> ask Roz about confetti. ask Roz about gas.
> ask Roz about marble. ask Roz about explosive.
> ask Roz about balloon. ask Roz about razor blade.
> ask Roz about classroom. ask Roz about machine.
> ask Roz about here. ask Roz about game.
> take paper.(You take four.)
> i. x khaki.(Has cerifications.)
> x ecru.(Only 1 year experience.)
> x beige.(Has 15 years experience.)
> x cream.(No scent glands or languages.)
> x machine. x hatch. x funnel.
> open hatch. n.
> x crowd. x shredder. x line.
A vendor suddenly leaves her booth.
> x booth. x unshred. x button.
> put khaki in unshred. put beige in unshred.
> push button. x tan.
> get in line.(You're hired and shoved to...)
Metal Box Room
Roz starts talking.
> z. z. z.("If you want help getting out of here, just ask")
> z. z.("And... ask me about... Roz.")
> ask Roz about Roz. ask Roz about units.
> ask Roz about teleportation.(Sally, Tarquin, others.)
> Sally.(You're teleported to...)
Guts of the Machine
> x Sally. x cot. x diary. x cogwheels. x planks. x hatch.
> read diary. g. g. g. g. g.(Jojo mentioned.)
> ask Roz about Jojo.
> open hatch. out.
Huh. We're back here.
> Jojo.(You're teleported to...)
> x robot. x paper. take it. x it.
> x bowl. take it.
> ask Roz about cookie. ask Roz about cukrovinca flour.
> ask Roz about egg. ask Roz about jark.
> x oven. x wires. x dish. x mattress. x wardrobe.
> x lizard. hiss. take egg. x it. put egg in bowl.
The Lair of the Jark
CAUTION: The jark is deadly when uninverted. You know about inverting jarks from the tan resume.
> x creature. take it.
> x jark. invert jark. x jark.
> take jark. put it in bowl.
> w. w.
> x rock. take it.
Now go back to the Conference Hall:
> Sally. out. e. d. n. n. e. e. n.
> put rock in shredder. s.
> take flour. put it in bowl. x dough.
> open oven. put bowl in oven. push button.
> open oven. take bowl. look in bowl. x cookie.
> give cookie to Jojo.(Tarquin arrives.)
> x Tarquin. take Tarquin.(Instead, you're 'ported to...)
CAUTION: If you teleport back to Sally or Jojo, you won't be able to get back to this section. Tarquin is no longer around in the hut or anywhere else.
> author. x doors. n.
If you try to go any direction but south or northeast, you bump into someone and are dragged back to the Entrance.
> x desk. x chair. x wheels.
> sit on chair. sw. n.
You roll past everyone, but fall off the chair into...
> x Mr. x desk. x chair. x paintings. x plant.
> sit on chair.
Mr Hokensox gives you three forms and soon you're at...
Although you've been told to fill out these forms, you have nothing to write with and FILL OUT something isn't a valid command.
> i. x TB06. x UT18. x XY11.
> sw.(You end up back here.)
You meet Ferd and his pile of papers.
> look. nw. nw.
Ferd follows you and complains about his ticker.
> z. z. z.(Roz meantions George.)
George arrives, squashing Ferd and containing the explosion.
*** You have won ***
Brenda is a pyramid in the classroom, but not mentioned by the game.
An angry crow darts around outside the school.
Roz is a control unit. You'll first meet him in the shredding room, and he'll be your companion for the rest of the game if you pick him up. You can ask him about several topics.
Sally is a teleportation unit in the guts of a machine.
A crowd of beings wait in line for a job in the conference hall.
An interviewer (that you thought was a crab-zebra but is really a lobster-horse) will give you a new job if you have the right resume.
Jojo is a pyramid that wanted a solitary life on another planet. Jojo also wants a cookie.
A lizard is in the pen on Jojo's planet. It laid an egg.
A jark is a curious animal that is: one, deadly until it's inverted, and two, useful for making cookie dough.
HR was the previous Jark Inverter, but now he's just a dead creature in the lair of the jark.
Tarquin is another teleportation unit, but he doesn't show up until Jojo gets a cookie.
Many people are busy ignoring you in HR Central. They're also making it difficult for you to get anywhere.
Mr Hokensox in the HR office gives you three forms to fill out.
Ferd is your orientation guide, but he's no help at all. In fact, he's a rather big problem.
George is an enormous pyramid whose bulk solves your big problem by smothering it.
The brats who made a mess of your classroom.
Miss Lauren is probably the player-character's name, but it's not clear if you were refering to yourself in the third person or not when she's mentioned in the classroom's description.
Leon is a supply unit.
There is no comprehensive ABOUT or CREDITS command in this game, but one can use the AUTHOR command to find out whose scene the game is currently in.
Scene 1, "True Colors", was written by Sarah Morayati. It begins when the game begins in Classroom.
Scene 2, "Terrorist Wannabe", was written by Rick Dague. It begins when you first arrive at Behind School.
Scene 3, "Job Fair", was written by Dan Shiovitz. It begins when you first arrive at Dark Entryway.
Scene 4, "Telepyramids", was written by Carl Muckenhoupt. It begins when you first arrive at Metal Box Room.
Scene 5, "Jojo gets a cookie", was written by Taleslinger. It begins when you first arrive at Hut.
Scene 6, "Bureaucracy", was written by Mark J. Musante. It begins when you first arrive at Entrance.
The organizer who put it all together was Tom Blawgus.
You have died
if you pop the balloon first seen in the classroom,
if that balloon explodes near you,
if you try taking or touching the original uninverted jark,
if you invert the inverted jark, or
if Ferd's ticker explodes.
You have won
if you summon George to deal with Ferd's ticker.
a Brenda pyramid. She's in the classroom from the very beginning, but not mentioned at all.
You can optionally take her to drop her somewhere else you want to teleport back to later. Teleport to her just by saying her name.
I don't know of any legitimate way of learning about Brenda. I only learned about her by cheating. You can ask Roz about Brenda.
a balloon. It floats into the classroom soon after the game begins.
CAUTION: Popping this balloon will kill you; it contains poisonous gas. It's not the same balloon as the pink balloon seen later outside.
You'll need to try take this balloon twice before succeeding. A voice yells at you not to touch it the first time.
The balloon disappears from your inventory when you enter "Behind School".
two small marbles. You acquire them by examining the hole in the muddy area.
a green mess. After you have the toilet roll, go to outside school and shoot the crow with the slingshot. You'll miss but three turns later, the bird will drop this mess on you.
Drop the mess. If you have the toilet roll, you'll succeed in getting rid of it and you'll also find a bronze key.
a bronze key. You'll discover you have this key after you drop the mess by using the toilet roll.
This key unlocks the door that's at Outside School.
a Roz pyramid. Acquire Roz by first examining then searching the shredded paper in the Shredding Room.
Ask Roz about several topics; this is how you learn about Sally and Leon. You'll be heavily prompted to talk to Roz in the Metal Box Room, since teleporting to Sally by saying her name is the only way to leave that location.
a khaki-colored resume piece, an ecru-colored resume piece, a beige-colored resume piece, a cream-colored resume piece. Acquire all four pieces by trying to take the shredded paper in the Shredding Room.
Examine them. The cream one claims no experience and the beige only one year. The beige one is the first mention of "Jark Inverter".
In the conference hall, put the khaki and beige resume pieces into the unshred-o-matic and push its button to create a tan resume.
Note: Before acquiring the tan resume, other resumes can be made by combining other pairs of pieces, and all resumes can be shredded back into their component pieces. But when you get the tan one, you'll discard all the other pieces.
a tan resume. In the conference hall, acquire this resume by putting the khaki and beige resume pieces into the unshred-o-matic and pushing its button. The khaki piece claims certifications and the beige piece claims 15 years experience.
While carrying the tan resume, enter the line. You'll get the job and be shoved into a metal box.
a dream diary. It's on the cot in the "Guts of the Machine".
Read the diary five times to learn about Jojo.
The firt four diary entries refer to the other group-written games in the IF Whispers series while the fifth entry obviously refers to this game.
a cot. It's in the "Guts of the Machine".
You don't need the cot. Leave it there.
a Sally pyramid. It's on the cot in the "Guts of the Machine".
Like all the other pyramids, you can be teleported to her from wherever you are just by saying her name. You must say Sally to escape the Metal Box Room.
You shouldn't take Sally away from the Guts location because she's also the only way back in here. Also, if you do take her away, she will teleport herself back to the Guts a few turns later anyway.
a scrap. This is the green paper held by Jojo the robot in Jojo's hut. (Jojo is actually the pyramid inside the robot.)