Spellcasting 101: Sorcerers Get All The Girls – Solution

Escape!

I assume we're playing in Naughty mode, yes?

Don’t forget your application! There are actually three ways to escape your room. First way: take the hay, open both windows, put the hay in the right window, and jump out the left window (into the cow manure). Second way: go to the privy, take the bowl of human waste, open the grate, then go down the hole. Third way: pour the waste on the fire and go up the chimney.

Once in the alley, take the flat rock, then take the rusty key. You can push Miss Minnie Beancounter, or drop a spider on her (from the privy). There’s probably other options here. Anyway, take the key, unlock the shed door with it, open the shed door, west, take overalls, wear overalls, east, east.

Don’t delay. Don’t worry about the love note to Lola, or anything else but escaping.

Sorcerer University

To enroll, enter the long line at Donkeydung Hall, wait, then answer the three questions from your application form. Time will pass...

There’s lots going on at S.U. A new newspaper can be picked up every day in Batguano Court. Parties at the frat houses every night at 8pm. Sporting events in the stadium. And your classes in Meltingwolf Hall. Plus, Prof. Tickingclock has invited you to dinner at his place for 7:30pm Wednesday night. A lot of this is fun, but most of it isn't necessary to do to win the game. You begin with the BIP spell gratis.

The Island of Lost Soles

(at TICK-6, home of the Antenna of Putzberg)

Use the KABBUL spell here, one by one, to restore the lost souls of all eighty inhabitants. When you finish, you’ll get a big key.

The Island Where Time Runs Backward

(at PIG-4; home of the Nozzle of Blather)

As soon as you reach this island, you land, and you must do your entire trip to the island in reverse order, which more-or-less follows the plot of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. The UNDO command is very useful since a single slip wastes the universe. At the end of your trip, you’ll have the BUNDEROT spell.

DROP WAYBREAD. SOUTH. SW. JUMP OUT WINDOW. WAIT. WAIT. GET IN SMALL MUDBATH. GET IN MEDIUM MUDBATH. GET IN LARGE MUDBATH. UP. EAT SMALL WAYBREAD. EAT MEDIUM WAYBREAD. EAT LARGE WAYBREAD. SCREW SMALL CONCUBINE. SCREW MEDIUM CONCUBINE. SCREW LARGE CONCUBINE. EAST. OPEN DOOR. READ SIGN. NW. EXAMINE PEDESTAL. NORTH. GIVE BUNDEROT BOX TO DIRECTOR. GET OFF THE SURFBOARD.

The Island of Horny Women

(at SLUG-8; home of the Ratchet of Weinersburg)

These amazons will literally sex you to death; don’t dilly-dally! You’ve got to get the lead-plated sword, and the only way to escape is in drag.

The Restaurant at the End of the Ocean

(at BAT-14; home of the Eggbeater of Barfton)

If you went to the Ethics 101 lecture, you’ll know that you’re seeing the six stages of a restaurant from Grand Opening to Out of Business very quickly. If you’re quick, you’ll get a MAJJELLO spell for your trouble.

• Take the MAJJELLO box. A pygmy shark will swallow it.
• Enter the restaurant and order shark from Maurice. You needn’t wait for the menu.
• Don’t even try to eat the shark when it arrives. Cast BUNDEROT on the shark, and take the box or open it as soon as possible.
• That’s it. Note that the restaurant doesn’t have take out. You must recover the spell box before you’re thrown out.
• Cast MAJJELLO on the right dial of the surfboard (and the ancient map if you have it) to get the BOA marking.

The Island of the Gods

(at BOA-10; home of the Envelope Feeder of Flem)

You get two spells at this island: GWEEK (shrink inanimate objects), and GOBERDUNA (tie or untie mighty knots). Oh, you also get to have sex with Ocarina, whose beauty surpasseth that of mortals.

• To get in the island, first unlock the island with the big key that you got at the Island of Lost Soles.
• Ignore the Garden of the Gods, the Condo of the Gods, Condo East of the Gods, and for now, the Garbage Dump of the Gods. The butterfly, chandeliers, plants, skull, etc. are just window dressing.
• Go to Condo West and hide behind the drapes. Wait until Glock is gone.
• Come out from behind the drapes, and make love to Ock. As soon as she produces the GWEEK spell box, take it! Or open it! Glock appears the very next turn.
• To get rid of the garbage, first GWEEK it, then BUNDEROT it.
• Take the revealed GOBERDUNA box and get outta there before the fireworks.

Fort Blackwand

(at PIG-13; home of Joey Rottenwood!?!??)

A wonderful finale is in store, with some surprises.

• Defeat the Lok Pik Monster by casting your new GOBERDUNA spell on it.
• Urk! It's the simulation scenario – but for real this time! GUB TREE. ZEM ME. SOUTH. KILL DRAGON WITH SWORD. VAI IVY. UP. PULL LEVER. FREE LOLA. (Lola? What’s she doing here?)
• Lola has a purse. Take it, open it, and take the flamethrower. You may ignore the compact, credit card, and tampon.
• Open the trap door and go down to the Gateroom. KABBUL ART.
• Three gates. Three X’s. And three people – you, Lola, and Art. Get each person to stand on a different X to open all gates simultaneously. Then head west for the...

...STUNNING CLIMAX!

Yes, it’s your stepdad up to no good. And he’s got the appliance and all five attachments and he’s gonna push both buttons simultaneously!

• Give popular book to Joey. Remember, it’s so good, you can’t put it down. Neither can he to push both buttons. However, he does manage to activate the appliance, and Prof. T’clock says you’ve only got 15 minutes (3 turns) to stop it, by feeding it 7 tons of whale poop! (I’m not kidding!) And an EKSLAKSIA spell box appears from the appliance (spell of unloading).
• BLUBBA APPLIANCE. This summons the whale over the appliance, but unfortunately, your spell book goes flying any time when you summon a whale.
• DESTROY SPELL BOOK WITH FLAMETHROWER. Yes, I hated to do it, too, but there’s no time to cast EKSLASKIA normally. If you don’t get rid of the book, then the EKSLASKIA spell would go into the book instead of cast when its box is opened.
• OPEN EKSLASKIA BOX. Everyone, including the whale, has a massive bowel movement. Tres gross, but it does save the world, give you the high score, and leads you to the epilogue and promise of a sequel.
• In the epilogue, you are reunited with your mom and real dad, honoured by Prof. T’clock, billed by the school. And Lola (who really isn’t worth the effort) goes shopping.

Spell Summary

— First Level — BIP – make soft music VAI – healthy plants GUB – diseased plants ZEM – increase fighting prowess — Second Level — SKONN – increase bust size FRIMP – levitate GWEEK – shrink inanimate objects

— Third Level — DISPAR – remove magical protection KABBUL – restore lost soul BLUBBA – summon whale — Fourth Level — MAJJELLO – reveal hidden information BUNDEROT – decomposition — Fifth Level — GOBERDUNA – tie or untie mighty knots EKSLAKSIA – spell of unloading

Other Notes

In Nice mode, you don’t have sex. Instead, you’ll play chess with nuns on the Island Where Time Runs Backward, solve a crossword puzzle with Ocarina, and be called on to do handyman chores with the Amazons.

The surfboard’s gauge starts at 100 and goes down with each trip. Probably when it runs down to 0, you’re out of fuel. Split up a long trip into two or more trips. There’s no problem if you pick a mid-ocean spot to stop at, except for BAT-15, where you’ll die before finding out whether or not a giant rodent is there to drink all the water that’s pouring out.

I couldn’t find any practical use for the BIP spell.

You can’t take anything in the cafeteria, let alone eat it. You can eat the pomegranate or any meal served at the restaurant, but there’s no reason to do so.

You can BUNDEROT poor Prof. Peeleroffigs’s dead body, should you go back to S.U.

You can MAJJELLO the ancient map to reveal the god’s island at BOA-10.

Casting BLUBBA indoors is always fatal. You always drop your spell book when you cast BLUBBA. The cleaning nymphs won’t clean up the Garbage Dump of the Gods; the authors probably didn’t think of that possibility.

The Garbage Dump of the Gods becomes the Big Empty Field of the Gods once cleaned.

The talisman is still a mystery to me. My best guess is that it’s a protection charm of some sort; I don’t know what happens if you just drop it and play without it.

Those annoying messenger nymphs on the Island of Lost Soles are essential to getting any names you’ve missed or can’t figure out. Few people would guess Pierre or Humphrey without a hint.

Did you see all these types of nymphs? Library, newspaper, fraternity, parser, messenger, encouragement, graduation, customer support, restaurant, cleaning, and programming.