solutions
Speed-IF 10^−9 was run on December 14th, 2002 by Jacob Wildstrom. The solutions below are by David Welbourn.
by David Welbourn
| Lip of the Volcano | ||||
| | | ||||
| Mountain- side | Hidden Clearing | |||
| | | | | |||
| — | Deeper Forest | — | ||
| | | | | |||
| Lonely Hill | — | Deep Forest | El Bakery | |
| | | ||||
| — | Village | |||
| | | \ | | | / | | |
| Oceanside Meadow | — | "Challenge" Camp | — | Beach |
| | | \ | | | / | | |
| — | Lagoon | — | ||
["Challenge" Camp]
Biff stays at the camp. Russ and Kari will wander around randomly. You can ignore them entirely, or examine them later. Don't worry if they seem to get ingredients before you do; they'll never actually complete their own sandwiches.
>x me. x Biff. x Russ. x Kari.
>xyzzy. plugh. plover. (those optional magic words)
>e.
[Beach]
>take bag. x it. n.
[Village]
You don't need the crystal to win; only for an alternate ending.
>x cannon. x structure. x box. open box.
>x crystal. take it.
>x bottle. take it. n.
[El Bakery]
>x baker. x baby. x sign. x bread. take it. s. w.
[Deep Forest]
The stick is a red herring, but you can take it anyway.
>climb tree. x stick. take it. n. n.
[Mountainside]
>take rock. x it. s. w.
[Lonely Hill]
>x sheep. x stomach. x rennet.
>take rennet. take sheep. take stomach.
>cut stomach with rock. take stomach. x sheep.
>s.
[Oceanside Meadow]
>x cows. milk cows. x milk. s.
[Lagoon]
>x lagoon. x fish. take fish. drink water.
>s. swim. fish. catch fish. catch fish with stick.
>give popcorn to fish. x fresh fish.
>n. n. n. e.
[Hidden Clearing]
>x Emil. ask Emil about bubble. x bubble.
>x button. x broken crystal.
>put milk in bubble. put rennet in bubble. x milk.
>push button. take cheese. eat cheese.
Caution: Don't give the glowing crystal to Emil until after you've got the cheese.
>(give glowing crystal to Emil. undo.)
>s. n.
[Mountainside]
>put fish on bread. debone fish with rock. put fish on bread.
>put cheese on bread. x bread. n.
[Lip of the Volcano]
The heat is so intense that there's only enough time to do one thing, then leave, else you'll faint and fall into the volcano.
>drop bread. s. n. take bread. s.
[Mountainside]
>x bread.
Your tuna melt should be complete. If you'd like, you can blow up the world by dropping the crystal into the volcano:
>(n. put crystal in volcano.)
Or you can show the complete sandwich to Biff and win the game:
>s. s. s. show bread to Biff.
by D. Jacob Wildstrom
| Entry maze | ←w | Entry maze | Amidst the diabolical machine | |||
| s↓ | n↑ | d↑ | ||||
| Easily- escaped prison cell | Entry maze | ←d | Complex entrance | Spacecraft hangar | ||
| | | ||||||
| —— | Ventilation shaft | e→ | Dr. Letterman's coffee bar | |||
>i. x pen. x package. x suit. x buttonniere. x map.
>open package. squeeze bulb. x Bob.
Caution: you'll die if you don't follow the map's directions.
>d. n. w. s.
>x me. x bed. x grille. open it. enter it.
Caution: you'll die if you go north.
>e.
>u. x waitress. ask waitress about anything.
>hit waitress. kiss waitress. waitress, any-order.
>x grating. take it.
>n.
Ending 1: The galaxy is your oyster
>enter ship. look. x button. push it.
Ending 2: BOOM!
>d. x man. hit man.
Ending 3: You'll never see him again
>d. x man. ask man about anything.
by Anonymous
| ? | ? | |||
| ? | Mess Hall | ? | Billiard Room | ? |
| ? | /? | ? | ||
| ? | Barracks | ? | cavern | ? |
| |? | ? | |||
| ? | Communications Center | ? | ||
| ? | ||||
[Barracks]
In this game, directions are unreliable, and sometimes you are thrown from room to room at random times. This walkthrough will assume (erroneously) that directions aren't blocked, and that you aren't thrown about the game map. If you can't go south from Barracks, try again. Or go in random directions and you might get to the Comm Center anyway.
>x portrait. xyzzy. knuth. s.
[Communications Center]
>x computer.
>turn on computer. 1. (David Letterman can't help you.)
>turn on computer. 2. (waitress can't help you.)
>(turn on computer. 3. undo.) (sergeant blows up the world!)
>turn on computer. 4. (learn you should BARK than BLINK in a large room)
Try to get to "cavern" next, which I believe is north of Barracks, but you'll probably have to type directions at random.
>n. n.
[cavern]
Don't worry if you get swept away between the bark and blink. Just get back to the cavern as best you can and blink. And it doesn't seem to hurt if you bark or blink elsewhere.
>bark. blink. (win!)